This will be our initial narrative structure and the screenplay to match it, firstly will be the original draft and the feedback we got followed be the altered and new screenplay.
The first criticism that we got was that the paragraphs were too long and clumped together. To stop this we put a new paragraph after scene or significant shot. To make the scene and screenplay more clear.
The next problem was that it wasn't clear that the father was deceased when Harry looks at the photograph, and therefore we have changed the photo to an old funeral card.
The next comment was that the anonymous user's texts were to explicit and too revealing, therefore we will simply, make the user appear friendly without the mention of his organisation at first.
Finally we were given the advice to include were the shots take place, the time of day, which we also included, also whilst making the screenplay look more like a screenplay.
This was the final product screenplay:
The next problem was that it wasn't clear that the father was deceased when Harry looks at the photograph, and therefore we have changed the photo to an old funeral card.
The next comment was that the anonymous user's texts were to explicit and too revealing, therefore we will simply, make the user appear friendly without the mention of his organisation at first.
Finally we were given the advice to include were the shots take place, the time of day, which we also included, also whilst making the screenplay look more like a screenplay.
This was the final product screenplay:
No comments:
Post a Comment